The Let Them Theory
Okay, so I'm a control freak. I think it's the Leo sun, Virgo rising thing, but I just love making plans and sticking to them. My calendar is proof – it's packed with stuff all the time and nothing gets me more excited than when a plan comes together (I know, I am wild).
A dear friend, who knows me perhaps better than I know myself, introduced me to Mel Robbins. They saw me with pretty severe anxiety and a deep need for control, a combination that was becoming increasingly debilitating. My friend, being the wise soul they are, pointed me towards Mel's work 'You need to hear this,' they said, and shared a podcast episode. Mel's no-nonsense approach and practical tools resonated with me immediately.
The "let them" theory, in essence, is about releasing control and allowing situations, people, or processes to unfold naturally. Here are some examples of how it might manifest in different contexts:
Relationships:
Instead of: Trying to constantly offer unsolicited advice.
Let them: Allow them to make their own choices, even if you disagree.
Example: Your friend is going through a tough time. Instead of telling them exactly what to do, you offer support and listen, allowing them to find their own solutions.
Work/Projects:
Instead of: Micromanaging every detail of a team project.
Let them: Delegate tasks and trust your team members to use their skills and expertise. Allow for flexibility and experimentation.
Example: You assign a project to a colleague. Instead of constantly checking in, you provide clear guidelines and then allow them to work autonomously.
Life:
Instead of: Trying to control every aspect of your day or worrying about every possible outcome.
Let them: Accept that life is unpredictable. Allow for flexibility and embrace the unexpected.
Example: You have a planned schedule, but unexpected delays happen. Instead of getting stressed, you adapt and go with the flow.
Can a two-word mantra really be game changing in everyday life? It turns out, actually, yes. People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.
If someone hasn’t done the work, they can’t meet you where you want them to—and that’s okay. Let them be who they are, and focus on what you can control: your actions, your peace, and your growth.
This is what The Let Them Theory is all about, letting go of what you can’t control and freeing yourself to live life on your terms.
Thinking about 'let them', it's very similar to advice given for dealing with addiction: 'I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't control it.' Both are about letting go.
Basically, it's about accepting you can't control everything. Like with addiction, you learn you have to step back.'Let them' applies to other stuff too. It's saying, 'don't try to force things, just let them happen.' It helps you find some peace by accepting you're not in charge.
